adrienne patrick

father

funny that i had a completely different post in mind for this day. it was about an experience my father had in medical school dealing with the sort of insidious racism that has in many ways changed its face over the years, but still holds a firm grip on us. then tonight my children brought me this:

while cooking dinner a relatively routine sibling scuffle ensues. voices are raised and they come storming into the kitchen, daughter first followed by son with his arm raised as if to strike her.

me: absolutely not! we do not hit. we never hit. what's going on?

i will be honest that now i do not recall what the original argument was. i do know that i sent the girl away with a task in hand and asked the boy to please listen.

me: i need to tell you something very adult. men are often bigger and stronger than women, and sometimes they use their power to hurt them. it is very important that you never hit a woman. it is your job to take care of your sister, and it is her job to take care of you. no matter what, you two are never to hit each other. we never hit each other.

my son's beautiful face breaks, and suddenly he is sobbing. his twin sister puts her arm around him.

him: but they say such awful things. they say boys are terrible and we are all bad and i am the worst of all of them and it is so mean!

me: amzi said that?

him: they all say that.

it takes a little back and forth to discover that 'they all' is one girl; his perception is perhaps magnified as this child comes from a family of women who hold a fire around them as if it were har meged doon and the armies of the night an all-male revue.

me: yes, i've been worried about her. i'm sorry that her mother and grand-mom have said those things around me and i didn't speak up, that's my fault. can you imagine what it's like to hear such terrible things about men all the time? it's no wonder she believes boys are bad. they are hurt and we need to hold them in our hearts.

he wants to know what happened and who hurt them and i tell him i don't know, but that most of us get hurt at some point, so it's really important that we look after each other.

so here is where i think i'm expected to write something about how my head wanted to explode and how dare they and my sweet son and, and, and. the truth is i mostly feel badly that in trying to be polite i never shut it down when the grand-mom talked to me about her ex, her son-in-law, and about all men being stupid and ha ha ha. i feel for the young women who haven't known the imperfect beauty of a father like mine. dear lord, i feel for the one young man they are raising. i feel for my son having to figure out what it means to be a man without a decent example in front of him every day.

me: but we know lots of good men, don't we?

him: dennis!

her: mr. joaqiun!

me: and true!

her: yeah, except true would drag everyone else into the swamps when we played candyland. that was kind of weird.

me: he did? that is weird. but he was fun.

i am too tired to work out the moral here, but that's really up to you to do for yourself anyway.

i will add that i had an amazing father who thrived in a time when that wasn't the easiest thing for a black man to do, broke social taboos, loved my mom for lots of years, and made a million mistakes just like everyone else. certainly some of his amazingness has trickled down to my son and will continue to do so.

happy father's day.

giveaway!

a custom piggy bank is your prize in my referral contest!

go go, git it git it!

hey all!

it has been a loooong moment since i have posted here; the sun continues to shine in san diego, which can be a bit distracting. also, i opened a new facebook page, which is super for quickie posts!

i'm stoking the blog fires today to let folks know about my first video(!), upcoming training, and a new crowd-funding campaign. so exciting!

the nuts and bolts are that i will be heading east for a few weeks in summer and spring for the next few years to participate in handwork teacher training at the fiber craft studio in chestnut ridge and i'm offering art in exchange for help with the tuition. there are 'perks' for various contribution levels, but even better, prizes for those who join me in spreading the word! here's the skinny...

it is 12 days into the campaign i have already been supported by 25 contributors! to push closer to my $5400 goal, i am excited to announce the first of my referral competitions.

the details...

-this referral competition runs from today thursday the 6th until noon sunday the 9th.

-referrals will be ranked based upon number of people scooted toward my indiegogo page and the total level of contributions from those referrals.

-to participate, share the campaign from the links below the buried treasure video with your network. be sure you sign into an indiegogo account first and use those buttons(facebook, twitter, etc) so your referrals are tracked by indiegogo!

-along with other news, i will publish a regular 'leader' board on my update page.

-the prize for total contribution $$$ from referrals is a piggy bank!

-the prize for most people referred is a string of calaca prayer beads!

-the first ten referrers get a personal postcard of gratitude, featuring the scuba diver marionette!

-anyone can participate!

thanks to all for your fantastic support. there are only a few days, so git to it! please keep checking my update page for other great prizes and perks to come!

blessings!

 

for susan

on second thought

okay, so sometimes in is easy being green. especially in san diego. 

one of my very very favorite surprises has been the second-hand shopping. there is an abundance of amazing spots, and i hit several of them for the children's birthday.

for amzi an extraordinary coffee table book about horses($1-she's chosen 'colt' as one of her middle names) and rainbow suspenders($1-she's wanted them for eons), for nai a book about ocean exploration($1) and 2 pair of pants($2.95 each- he'd blown through the knees in everything somehow), and for them to share a pair of badmitten rackets with 2 birdies($3.95); only one got stuck in the avocado tree.

while they were in school i built a little shelter for them- somewhere they can read and relax and be pre-teens and avoid their ancient mother.

i found 10 bamboo poles for $1.98 and three crocheted curtains for $4.95. hand crocheted for FOUR-NINETY-FIVE. they easily represent 100 hours of work. a dime-a-dozen iphone costs $200. right-o!

i added some pillows(total $10.85) as well as recycled textile garland and fairy lights i already had stashed away. that was a birthday fit for these angels for just $26.68. i think.

who needs an iphone anyway?

 

 

it's not easy being green

amzi- i don't like frack mac and cheese.

***

nai- i don't like it when we shop at walmart.

me- walmart? we don't shop at walmart.

nai- what's the big grocery store that's so expensive?

me-whole foods?

nai- right. whole foods. i don't like when we shop at whole foods.

***

tomorrow the twins turn nine. i can hardly believe i've known them for nine years- i feel as though i've just about missed the whole thing.

every year we do something a bit over-the-top for their school celebration. in kindergarten we made an amazon cake iced with vegan coconut cream. we topped it with a sugar cube igloo which i surrounded with 17 needled-felted baby penguins-one for each classmate- and two emperor penguins for their teachers. in first grade it was a posse of baby polar bears atop amazon cupcakes.

this year we went for a theme appropriate to our new surroundings: succulents made of fondant to top cupcakes for 28 classmates. 

we began our happy work after a day at the zoo.

i left the room for a moment, and when i returned the twins were in heavy debate. then they put it to me: are the muppets real or not?

i sussed out that at some point i had told nai there were people who performed the voices of the muppets. amzi didn't believe him. poop.

i attempted to iron it out by saying that sometimes when we are shy it can be helpful to have a puppet or doll, or some other way through which express ourselves. i told her the man who played kermit was shy, just like she is. then she cried.

i held her while she wept and felt sobs ripple through her body. my sweet, faithful girl. smart, smart, faithful girl. she wept and i held her as she was cast out of the garden. on the very eve of her ninth birthday.

sweet amzi- when you are ready you will read this. i hope with all my being you will understand what was not appropriate for me to put into words today; so many of us have forgotten, and we sleep deeply. we cannot, or do not see the guardians who surround us and do the most profound work of nature. they stir the very air we breath.

we call them gnomes, sprites, santa klaus, and relegate them to the boundaries of fairie tales and dreams; we cloak them in a visage that doesn't offend what is accepted as reason. 

i pray that your realisation today doesn't lead you leave your magic behind. jim henson said about kermit, 'he can say things i hold back.'

i am a mother and i have no kermit, so i hold back. i catch my breath and pray that as you continue toward adulthood you bring your guardians with you. i pray that even when you feel too clever or too old for them they follow your every move and continue to be your shelter from the storm. may it be so.

happy birthday babies.

 

 

so SD is good???

i know. i was so diligent about posting during our cross-country drive, and since then i have been absent, to say the least. then my sister sent me this email:

is sd good? well, i am not sure who could pass up palm trees, flowers blooming in december, a steady 70-ish degrees, and the best second-hand shopping for which an o.c.d. recycler could ask. certainly not me.

there's an avocado tree in the back yard, a 10 foot poinsettia outside the bathroom window on which hummingbirds alight daily, and a mountain view over which the sun peaks every morning.

the community at the children's new school has welcomed us with open arms; nai and amzi's transition has been seemless.

i've been nesting like i'm in my third trimester. the first thing i did was set up our home altar. actually, first i put away the groceries, then i pulled out ashes, keepsakes, photos, et al, and made a corner for them. i haven't done that in some time. 

family artwork is up. i found a cheesy faux fireplace on craigslist for $35. amzi and nai are helping in the kitchen, the sun sets outside the window as they play in the yard, and even the buddha has come out of hiding. want to see?

there is light everywhere, and still we created an advent wreath tonight (better late than never). i chose succulents because succulent is such a sweet word and city heights nursery down the road from school has such amazing planting options. i thought of our beloved mr. william a.k.a. billy, king of succulence back in brooklyn as we chose and transplanted our treasures.

at dinner we lit the first advent candle and recited this verse:

the first light of advent is the light of stones, lights that live in seashells, crystals, and bones. 

i think of our move close to the sea and of the elements which inform our days on the earth whether we acknowledge them or not.

i think a lot about the children's experience of this transition; will they remember a mother who showed them as much of the world as she could offer, or a mother who's roots never quite took hold?

i think about the ensoulment of a space. we've laid our heads in so many different places over the last few years, though none of them became ours. for myriad reasons i had not been able to commit to a house and suddenly we've found a home.

today i issued an invitation to our new community to visit our new home and my new studio. tonight i invite loved ones far and near to come visit and bring a stone, seashell, a prayer, their soul. breathe life into this new space of ours. help us to make it live.

consider it.

xo.

day of the dead

it's been 2 weeks since my last note; so much has transpired. the days are full and we sleep so well at night.

we found a house! with an avocado tree in the back, and a loquat in the front. i've never had a loquat but i will let you know how they are when they come around.

we've been busy, busy, busy settling in, trying not too miss too much about new york and keeping hurricane sandy recovery in our minds' eyes.

we went to the dia de los muertos celebration in old town which struck me as a bit less than authentic, yet, there was some beauty to be found. 

we added mommy's and daddy's names to an alter, gawked at the gawkers gawking at us, and went on our merry way.

if we're here next year, perhaps we'll cross the border for the holy day.

chicano park

'the word culture is used. to you culture means taco bell and the funny mexican with the funny songs. we gave you our culture of a thousand years. what have you given us? a social system that makes us beggars and police who make us afraid. we've got the land and we are going to work it. we are going to get that park. we no longer talk about asking. we have the park'.- a san diego state student during the 1967 occupation of what would eventually become chicano park

we are so fortunate to have found a home just a stone's throw from this park. yay!

there are real people, an abundance of soul, and my favorite kind of history stewing under the fancy pants(coronado) bridge; barrio logan was torn in two by its construction and lost its beach to the expansion of the defense industry, yet continues to bubble with defiance.

viva la raza.

all hallows' evening

tonight marked our first community celebration since our landing, and i must admit it made me a wee bit homesick. 

i longed for holloween past: roaming through bed-stuy, post fulton park parade, map in hand, familiar faces on every corner. getting treats at brownstone books, bread stuy, the akwaaba. ziggy steering the s.s. shadyside while taawi rides her trusty steed. dinner after at peaches. 

a party for the grown folks with denise and cristoff as milli vanilli and lloyd as sho'nuff. remember the braided hair plugs on his chest?  

rumor has it those days are gone. the 'hood has changed in the last few years, hasn't it? then of course, there are the last few days; today i received a text from a friend who said she is damp and cold, but okay. lord have mercy. 

on the other hand, i saw pictures of ziggy dressed as john waters. perhaps everything is going to be just fine. in the meantime, here are a few shots of halloween in hillcrest and on coronado.